Why fight the hand that kneads you?

Report by Gerry McDonnell

The mobile mobile phone has been heralded as a wonderful invention, but I immediately frown upon any device that encourages spousal interaction.

I keep in mind my feeling of angst as my circle of pal embraced the technological breakthrough. Even my outdated man joined in, and he’s a complete technophobe he when marketed his tv due to the fact a minor fellow in the corner of the display screen was creating hand signals in the direction of him.

The spouse shares my disdain for this evil equipment. I genuinely felt for her when she realised her fingers were as well chunky for the keypad: she wasn’t too upset though, she has the very same difficulty with the landline.

Following a number of years of steadfast resistance, I eventually caved. I’m now the proud owner of a mobile phone that can consider photographs, record video clip, play songs, cook dinner and nip down the offy the only point it can’t do is make a phone contact without having crackling like a pensioner.

My selection to join the mobile revolution has compensated off handsomely as I now have accessibility to ‘Frank TV’. I’m a actual Lampard fan I even subscribe to his well-known video hosting website, YouTub.

I am searching forward to watching Frank strut his substantial things at Anfield on Sunday. Chelsea are an fantastic wager at 21/ten as Liverpool will be with no their star performer from very last week’s win about the Villa they’ll really miss youthful Riley.

Losing Wayne Rooney to a long term injury would typically be catastrophic, but when you have Carlos Tevez waiting in the wings, the blow is significantly softened. Tevez is nearly a clone of Rooney, only with out the excessive extra fat though I should congratulate her on landing her personal Tv show. Carlos is large ample and unquestionably unsightly adequate to nullify the loss of Rooney and Ronaldo, United ought to be backed at nine/10 to take the derby day honours. Jens Lehmann will nevertheless be seething following his opening day gaffe. The excitable German couldn’t have looked much more like a clown without having a pair of large sneakers, a ginger wig and Fergie’s nose. I’m raising a smile to the gargantuan 5/four for an Arsenal win above Blackburn.

Even however Bolton are pointless after two matches, the wife is convinced that Sammy Lee will stick with the exact same team for the journey to Fratton Park. I overheard her on the cellphone to her mother complaining that he’s not massive ample to touch the side. Pompey are a great shout at ten/eleven to consider advantage.

I had to laugh when I heard Lawrie Sanchez accuse Arsenal players of simulation. Baird’s problem on Hleb was probably the most gratuitous journey because the Tony Blair era. I’m falling more than the five/four for a Fulham win over the Boro.

Roy Keane has launched an astonishing tirade versus footballers’ wives for wielding too much influence. What Roy fails to realise is that present day day relationships are a correct partnership, exactly where ideas are exchanged in a frank and open way until eventually the male gets knocked out. The 11/5 for a Sunderland win over Wigan is particularly tasty.

Tottenham’s transfer policy has left me decidedly perplexed. To spend £16.5m on what ought to be your 4th selection striker is specifically puzzling, specifically when your midfield is in even worse shape than Amy Winehouse. Derby have to be backed at 3/one to take a position from the Lane.

It really is been announced that Joey Barton’s trial for an alleged assault on a former group-mate will begin on October 4th. I am guessing the 6-week delay is to enable the prosecution enough time to catalogue his preceding kind. I can’t wait to consider the evens for a Newcastle win more than Villa.

I remember when Craig Bellamy found himself in the dock after a nightclub ruck with a youthful feminine reveller. 1 witness testified that he was so out of handle, she struggled to pull him off: we’ve all been there after a few ales. A minor punt on the Hammers leaving St Andrews with a stage at 23/ten will demonstrate uplifting.

For Steve Coppell, an outbreak of ‘2nd season syndrome’ is the biggest danger to the dressing area since ‘bird flu’, although in the curiosity of fairness, Bellamy was acquitted. Studying can repel the manger’s fears by taking a position off Everton at nine/four.

If my resource is to be believed, Frank Lampard will be the following substantial profile footballer to be arrested. Senior police officials are contemplating charging him with possession of an offensive relative. Portsmouth, Fulham, Manchester United and Arsenal kind a 15/one weekend accer that will elevate funds for my campaign to free of charge the Chelsea 1½.

About the Writer

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.