Live Free or Pie Hard

Article by Gerry McDonnell

When the spouse was pregnant with little Goliath, she asked if I’d even now find her desirable when she put on excess weight. “Far more fat,” I instinctively corrected.”

It really is flawlessly understandable if a lady’s fat yo-yo’s following such a stressful function, but with the spouse, it just yo’d. There’s no excuse for a Premiership footballer to ‘tubby up’ in this kind of an outlandish fashion, so I hope there’s no fact to the rumours emanating from Ewood Park.

It’s alleged that a number of senior pros became hooked on pie and mash for the duration of the summer time break. If the phrase on the road is proper, the players were so fixated with this culinary abomination, they saved a considerable sum of Fray Bentos pies in the club canteen.

Mark Hughes was understandably livid when he learned the secret stash and quickly placed a lock on the freezer.

Robbie Savage considered the manager’s act a blatant violation of his civil liberties and threatened to depart the club if he wasn’t granted speedy access to the forbidden pastries. Mark Hughes stood his ground however, and refused to release the pie-crucial.

The six/4 for Middlesbrough to open their campaign with a win more than Blackburn is as delicious a deal with as anything locked away in Sparky’s freezer of shame.

I was very surprised when the news broke that Robert Earnshaw had joined Derby the tiny Welshman obviously misunderstood when asked if he would like to join the Rams. Earnie can aid Derby get a point off Pompey at nine/4.

Roy Keane was a fierce competitor on the pitch: he went by means of far more footballers than Gemma Atkinson. He’ll need the exact same fighting spirit from his crew when they encounter a formidable Tottenham side I’m tucking in to the Spuds at 13/10.

Newcastle have gone down the multinational road in their search for new signings. Massive Sam has signed a Brazilian, a Spaniard, a Cameroonian, a Czech, an Aussie, an Englishman and a Scouser. It wouldn’t surprise me if he made a move for the promising Russian global, Ivan Terbungoutofit. The Premier League laptop or computer has mischievously sent Newcastle to Bolton for their opening fixture Large Sam has it in the bag at 2/1.

I have a whole lot of faith in Andy ‘Magic’ Johnson, even although he’s nevertheless to master the ‘staying on his feet’ trick. I’ll be making the 8/eleven for an Everton win over Wigan disappear.

If offered the option to play for Chelsea at Stamford Bridge or symbolize a George Bush eleven in Iran, I’d most likely plump for the latter as the chance of injury diminishes drastically. Jose need to be cursed I’m taking Birmingham at eleven/2 to snatch a shock draw.

I am obtaining it difficult to decide on a winner in the West Ham v Manchester Town match. I asked the spouse for her viewpoint, but she’s also sitting on the fence. I’m now praying for the draw at 9/four, as I will need money for a new fence.

Aston Villa supporters could not be happier with the progress produced by Randy Lerner and Martin O’Neill. The large may possibly still be sleeping, but he’s becoming poked with a pointy stick. Villa are overpriced at three/1 to kick the time off with a win about Liverpool.

Fulham fans must be devastated. Mohammed Al Fayed gave his manager the green light to sign established internationals and Sanchez tucked him up on a technicality. The Cottagers have in no way won away at Arsenal the Gooners are the weekend banker at four/eleven.

I was disturbed to go through that Wayne Rooney has outrageously had his chest waxed. There’s nothing at all wrong with connecting with your feminine side, but only when you are hoping to locate shelter for the tiny beard-hunter. There is nothing at all camp about the one/four for a Manchester United win more than Reading.

I just hope Ryan Giggs doesn’t adhere to Rooney’s lead, as the repercussions of dwindling wax reserves could show catastrophic for modest businesses. A small accer on Tottenham, Aston Villa, Arsenal and Manchester United at thirteen/one will give a lifeline to people most underneath menace.

About the Writer

Gerry McDonnell dabbles in football odds compilation, journalism and orphan rescue.