A bluffers guide to the football world cup

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We reveal the 10 points you require to know about this year’s Entire world Cup

Your footie understanding might be nil, but we’ve brought you our bluffer’s guidebook to this year’s biggest sporting function, so settle onto your sofa, with your Planet Cup Feast in hand, and use our cheat’s manual to steer you via the Entire world Cup minefield.1. The opposition gamers to look out for in England’s Group gamesUSA 12 JuneReason to view: Landon Donovan. All-American hunk their best scorer actually with 42 objectives.Algeria eighteen JuneReason to watch: midfielder Karim Ziani. Hothead with a distinctly Hitler-esque tache, but still a main hottie.Slovenia 23 JuneReason to observe: striker Zlatko Dedic. With his mouth shut, he could pass for Matt Damon.

two. Footballers and footie supporters are really superstitious Maintain some wood helpful and if we beat the USA in the initial sport, use the same undies for the subsequent game in opposition to Algeria. Washed, of program. three. Wayne Rooney may possibly look like Shrek but he’s a demon goalscorerFifa named him, defender John Terry and midfielder Steven Gerrard in their Entire world Team of the 12 months. However, they also named four of Spain’s gamers in their top XI…

four. Our boys to look out forSadly there’s no Becks, thanks to his Achilles injury, but keep your eyes peeled for these boys rather:Wayne Rooney: Striker. Hope and pray that Rooooo-nnnaaaaaayyyyy recovers in time. England’s talisman has averaged a goal a game in qualifying. Steven Gerrard: Midfielder. Loyal, committed, scandal-free of charge(ish). All-round genius with an unerring finish. Large heart, large pecs. Peter Crouch: Striker. If you like ’em tall (6ft 7), blond and er, not so handsome, then this is the striker for you. Remarkable goalscoring file and bizarre 1980s robotic dance celebration. Frank Lampard: Midfielder. Does a comparable career to Stevie G, but has class, stunning pecs and is nevertheless a key member of the England team. At the moment with Christine Blakely of A single Display fame.John Terry/Ashley Cole: Proficient? Indeed, but let’s depart it there!

5. Argentina have the world’s greatest player22-year-outdated Barcelona striker Lionel Messi (aptly named, given his hair!)six. The only rules you need to knowEngland are never offside, the opposition ought to never have had a penalty, the ref should’ve gone to Specsavers.7. DO…Sing! The only ‘song’ you want to know is ‘Ing-err-lunnnd, Ing-err-lunnnd, Ing-err-lunnd!’ which is genuinely quite easy the moment you get the hang of it. Consider your cue from other individuals ahead of screaming: ‘That was never a free-kick, ‘ee in no way touched ‘im ref!’Shout: ‘Cheat!’ when Argentinian supervisor Maradona seems on Television. We still haven’t forgiven his ‘Hand of God’ objective against us in 1986.

8. Don’t…Say: ‘It’s only a game’ when we shed on penalties to Germany.Say, wistfully: ‘What a shame Becks is not enjoying.’ Genuine, but unsayable.Shout: ‘Hoof!’ when we aimlessly lump the ball up the pitch. Only when the other side do it.

9. England play in red and whiteYou can nonetheless maintain your perception of design while showing assist for Our Boys. Red lippie, white T-shirt ought to do it, although for bonus points you need to drape the residence with England flags while squeezing your self into one particular of the shirts particularly ‘designed’ for ladies.ten. Most bookies have us as 3rd favourites behind Spain and BrazilStick a fiver on. We’re heading to win!

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